


Flight

by Hormonal_Trashbag



Series: Moments of Desparity [6]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hormonal_Trashbag/pseuds/Hormonal_Trashbag
Summary: She brushed back waves of dark hair from falling into his slack face and he woke with a startled grunt, jolting upward and turning wildly until he saw her, his brown eyes softening with warm emotion.“Good morning,” she whispered. The hand she had combed his hair with smoothed along the edge of his jaw.“You’re here,”he answered in awe.





	Flight

When she woke once more to the warmth of Ben’s body caccooning hers, she couldn’t find it in her to pull back. Her irritation had sapped away after nights of sharing dreams with him and she had learned that regardless of his status as Supreme Leader, he would always be just  _ Ben  _ to her. His dreams weren’t of crushing worlds under the heel of his boot or about keeping the wheels of war turning. All she saw was herself and longing glowed in her chest.

 

Her daughter and little sprout felt less and less like a daydream to distract herself with and more like an eventuality. Rey wasn’t sure if the Force was waiting or if she was but the future was clearly set, entangled with Ben Solo. She couldn’t fight it any longer.

 

She brushed back waves of dark hair from falling into his slack face and he woke with a startled grunt, jolting upward and turning wildly until he saw her, his brown eyes softening with warm emotion.

 

“Good morning,” she whispered. The hand she had combed his hair with smoothed along the edge of his jaw.

 

_ “You’re here,” _ he answered in awe.

 

Rey didn’t think about it. She acted on instinct, leaning forward to kiss him. Their mingled breath tasted like sleep but she drank him in, sliding her tongue along his to entice him into her mouth.

 

Ben turned, humming past her lips as he devoured her, yanking her hips to press flat to his. Her thighs trembled at the decadent sensation, toes curling with barely restrained want. She had to ask herself why she bothered resisting at all. 

 

The urge to leave everything behind and join him wasn’t a new one and her sense of duty for the Resistance had always reminded her why she couldn’t leave. Now, it only reminded her of what she couldn’t have. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

 

_ “Rey?” _

 

She pushed herself up, swiping at her eyes with mortification. “I’m sorry, I–”

 

_ “Don’t apologize,” _ he murmured.  _ “I can feel it too.” _

 

She steeled herself. “Why...why  _ can’t _ we leave it all behind? There will always be war between dark and light, why do we have to be responsible for it?” Rey added in a low voice, “I just want you, Ben.”

 

Regret flooded his face, replaced swiftly by restraint. Rey had already known the answer, but it still stung as he replied.

 

_ “I can’t,”  _ he uttered.  _ “I have to see this through, after everything I’ve sacrificed to get here. What I’ve done can’t be for nothing.” _

 

She swallowed tightly, nodding her head into his shoulder. Rey was so tired of him seeing her cry.

 

He expected the worst as he begged for the last time:  _ “Please join me, Rey. _ Please.”

 

His final plea broke something in her, tension leaving her as she finally accepted that she couldn’t go on without him. She wouldn’t be able to function from the frantic way her heartbeat and how she missed him even when she looked into his eyes.

 

“Alright.”

 

…

 

Tears were rolling over her cheekbones in salty paths, though through her blurred vision she collected what little belongings she had and threw them into a large, military-grade sack. She had to move quickly before suspicions rose further and she was branded a traitor.

 

She supposed she  _ was  _ a traitor. That hardly meant she wanted to face the wrath of the Resistance for turning her back on them.

 

Rey whirled about at the soft  _ whoosh  _ of her quarters’ door gliding open; it was fairly obvious what she was doing.

 

Finn looked at her for a very long time, as if he had never truly met her until that moment. She hated that her choice would change everything but she loathed being apart from Ben, each minute separated from him clawed into her skin and slowly dragged downward like a clinging loth-cat. Soon she would be covered with festering, red marks from missing him so desperately. It was pathetic how far she had fallen since leaving Jakku. 

 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

 

Rey sighed. “I can’t stay here any longer. I have to go.” 

 

His hackles rose. “What the hell is on Jakku that you need to go back so badly? Here you have friends, a cause worth fighting for, a reliable source of  _ food,  _ for fuck’s sake--”

 

She should have gone along with his assumption and lied. Returning to her home planet was believable enough but the truth would get out. The Resistance would eventually learn that she had left to join their greatest enemy and her duplicity would only make the betrayal sting worse.

 

Rey straightened her back. “There’s nothing left for me on Jakku. That’s not where I’m going.”

 

“Where, then?” he asked without missing a beat. “Does it have to do with Jedi stuff? Let me go with you then, maybe Rose could come too. We can help you, Rey. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

 

It was a sweet sentiment but not an offer she could accept. And to witness Finn and Rose’s happiness while she remained separated still from Ben would be utterly unbearable.

 

“Finn,” she started slowly, “I wish it was so simple but where I’m going...you wouldn’t be safe. No one in the Resistance would be. Please understand that this is for the best, I just hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me one day.”

 

“I don’t understand,” he replied, taking a small step to block the door. “What are you trying to say?”

 

“I’m  _ saying,”  _ she interrupted herself when her voice cracked, “I need a teacher,” Rey told him helplessly, echoing the words Ben had roared into the darkness of a snow-covered forest. “There’s only one person left who can teach me and I’m tired of fighting it. I need him and he...he needs me.”

 

“I’m confused,” he said but his tone told otherwise. Now he was buying time, trying to figure out a way to get her to the brig, undoubtedly. That’s where a proper Resistance hero would take her.

 

It was time to go.

 

Rey threw a bag over her shoulder and snatched her staff from where it was propped against the bed frame.

 

“Don’t try to stop me,” she told him, not knowing if it was a warning or a plea. “This was always going to happen.”

 

Something shifted in Finn, an anger she didn’t recognize bubbled up and burst on his face. “You were  _ always  _ going to turn to the dark side? Is that what you’re telling me?  _ Bullshit.  _ This is Kylo Ren’s doing. He  _ did  _ something to you...he’s manipulated you and–”

 

He was her first friend. It didn’t feel right to be dishonest with him.

 

“–I love him.” she finished for him, a wayward tear trickling down her cheek. 

 

Finn had nothing to say. It was almost easier that way, Rey decided, sniffling as she pushed past him and towards the hanger.


End file.
